The Clowntown Papers
Presented by the
American Clowntown Society

A discussion on the state of our nation, world and society in general.

Over the years there have been many different thinkers who have expressed philosophical ideas in the realm of truth, life, ethics, politics and more. However, as deemed by Daniel Boorstin in The Genius of American Politics, there are no new philosophers in the modern day America. The merit of this suggestion may be debatable, as a new and exciting philosopher has emerged here in the land of Clowntown…

October 11, 2002: The Sock  

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October 11, 2002

The Sock


Socks: A Discussion

Gilligan: Clownicus, where’s your action sandals?

Clownicus: My action sandals?

Gilligan: Dude, you’re wearing sneakers and socks! Dude, and they ain’t even Wigwam socks.

Clownicus: Let us discuss the sock.

Gilligan: Dude, just ‘cause you’re wearing square sneaks, doesn’t mean we hafta discuss the sock. I mean, aren’t there more important issues in the world to discuss and dissect? Let’s talk about the plight of mankind, how about the poor, the disadvantaged? These are important issues to solve, dude, not the sock!

Clownicus: It certainly takes an intelligent mind to discuss the worldly problems you have cited. It is true that there are many other problems to discuss. We could talk about the plight of mankind and attempt to solve the problems that have plagued the greatest minds of all time, but the sock is an important topic. Yet, have these problems been solved?

Gilligan: Dude, no way! That’s why we gotta talk about ‘em!

Clownicus: Have not Plato, Jesus Christ, James Madison and friends talked about these problems over and over again?

Gilligan: Of course, dude!

Clownicus: Then why should we assume that we can come up with an answer to rid these problems from the world? Gilligan, are you as wise as Plato?

Gilligan: No.

Clownicus: Are you as pure and holy as Jesus Christ?

Gilligan: No.

Clownicus: Can you frame your thoughts on human rights and modern Democracy like Mr. Madison?

Gilligan. Well, no!

Clownicus: Then why dissect these problems, when we can attack the issue of sock or no sock?

Gilligan: Dude, just cause they didn’t find solutions, doesn’t mean we can hide from these issues! Solutions can be discovered!

Clownicus: My hat-wearing friend, you are growing passionate. It seems you are truly concerned about the direction of the world.

Gilligan: Of course I am.

Clownicus: So should we discuss the direction of the entire world or should we start at home, with the American Society and then move from there?

Gilligan: Dude, that makes sense, but what does this have to do with the sock?

Clownicus: If we break down a society to a single unit, we arrive at the individual, like you and me. With you, we see a person wearing no socks and loose footwear. With me, a sturdy pair of Nike cross-trainers and comfortable socks. Which person seems more secure to you?

Gilligan: Dude, I feel like it doesn’t matter, we both live in comfortable situations.

Clownicus: You’re confusing my question. I’m suggesting that a person that wears sandals as opposed to sturdy sneakers and socks is not as secure with their footing on an individual basis.

Gilligan: Dude, I’m trippin’, but not because of my footwear! You’re dead wrong.

Clownicus: Step on my foot then.

Gilligan: Okay.

Clownicus: Do you think that hurt?

Gilligan: Don’t know?

Clownicus: Well, it didn’t. How does this feel?

Gilligan: OUCH! Dude, whyda step on my foot? That hurt.

Clownicus: You’re lacking the proper security on your foot, that’s why.

Gilligan: Okay, so you can step on my foot. Big deal.

Clownicus: You make yourself more susceptible to physical injury, including cuts, infections, ankle sprains, etc., therefore making you a more vulnerable individual in society. Not to mention that your feet are disgusting and it is typical of a modern day American to want to show us everything, all of one’s vulnerabilities. What ever happened to modesty? It is gone, but it can come back, with sneakers and socks.

Gilligan: Well, dude, they’re cool.

Clownicus: Gilligan, my young rod-in-the-nose chum, you’re certainly not going to use that argument, are you?

Gilligan: Well no, but didn’t Plato and Jesus Christ and Gandhi wear sandals?

Clownicus: Yes, yes they did. But, what choice did Plato and Jesus have? It was sandals or your feet in those days. Do you think that Plato would choose a sandal over a nice pair of Chuck Taylor hightops? Or Jesus decline an Addidas tennis shoe?

Gilligan: Well…

Clownicus: I think not. These were men of stability! Of structure!

Gilligan: So whatcha sayin Clownicus?

Clownicus: I’m saying that the sandal is nice for young women, men of Mediterranean descent, and maybe a for poolside activites, but my friend, not for everyday use out of a so-called man. No come here so I may step on your exposed foot again.